Things change too fast.
October 8, 2011
On that day, I was by myself. I didn’t feel any misery even when I had nothing to do but to study. It was obvious since my friends met in high school had lectures to attend, and my friends from junior high had exams. This was what I already expected; that I should spend time by myself.
Feeling quite bored studying math, I could not restrain myself from calling some of my friends. I knew that they should be studying and I was not allowed to disturb. Nonetheless, I took out my phone and texted my old friends. Actually they were not the ones who I knew for so long, we first met in 2010. Even so, they were the ones who I trusted the most and shared the most with.
Every time I visit home(while I usually stay at a dormitory) I find myself wandering around. I usually visit home on weekends, and when I do, I always meet them. We meet, chat about daily lives, and talk about each of our schools. Time passes, and by the time we notice, it is already late night. Being with them, I can feel how blessed I am to meet these friends.
But even being with these friends, loneliness does not disappear. We shared that loneliness. Being with my favorite people, why is it that we feel lonely?
Had no wonder thinking that it was only my sensitivity since we haven’t met for a long time. However, what we talked about was quite sad and gloomy. We were concerned about our future, and the fact that things change too fast. We talked about a friend who leaved and started attending school at America. We talked about our new classmates and what is so different about them. We did not talk about any adults. It may be too consulting to talk about those issues.
Why were we so lonely? We had new friends and still had our family, and we still met occassionally. After graduating from junior high, we certainly were parted from many friends. But the new friends were not able to fill up that emptyness, even though I believe I have spent enough time with new guys. So there was the answer. We were lonely because of the change. The fact that everything change, it was a very lonely thing.
I sometimes think about my position in life. I went through many changes and dramatic events, however there are even more left. The only thing that does not change is the fact that I am me, myself. Everyone change and every relationship changes. Although I want to hold on to it longer, things change too fast and maybe this loneliness is inevitable.